TV-A Celeb Apprentice & Hell's Kitchen Rant; the New Reality Show That Will Make You Giggle

Celebrity Apprentice and Hell's Kitchen 2009 are over now. We've got some memories with pics and video from throughout the contest.

Along with my own fine rants about why the winner of each is not believable and how this will adversely affect future contests.

Plus a review of BravoTV's newest reality show that leaves me giggling through the night. Not at the basis of the contest but at the contenders!

Pic of the Day

---

The Donald Pushes Our Suspension of Disbelief Too Far in Celebrity Apprentice 2009

The Celebrity Apprentice 2009 is a done deal as of this writing. Joan Rivers won but she certainly did not deserve it. And I know Donald Trump knows it because in the real world The Donald would never have chosen Joan over Annie Duke, I am sure of this.

First, some old pic montages and a video for nostalgia below.







Below a video of Joan doing her stuff.



If ever a show was staged it is Celebrity Apprentice but there’s nothing wrong with this. Donald Trump took his old reality show formula of having folks do business types of challenges and combined it with the Dancing With the Stars Concept by having celebrities do the challenges with monies won going to the celebs’ favorite charities.

Frankly I like the original The Apprentice series but that concept sputtered and turned belly up once Martha Stewart somehow got involved with it all.

So okay, it’s an idea that kind of works. Ordinary Americans tune in by the millions to witness “stars” looking for a career boost try to dance their way into America’s heart and on to better jobs in the public eye. Thus why couldn’t the concept be transferred to the old Celebrity concept, or so I ask?

Celebrity Apprentice has the same sort of “celebrities” on its show as on “Dancing With the Stars” ie, entertainers that have faded or haven’t had a gig in a while, sports stars looking for a way to make a living post playing field, oddball famous business types.

On the 2009 Celebrity Apprentice, Joan Rivers was about the most famous of the contenders.

A complete list of this year’s celebrities included:

-Jesse James-founder of West Coast Choppers
-Dennis Rodman-5 time NBA champion
-Andrew "Dice" Clay-once dirty mouthed comedian
-Joan Rivers-talk show host
-Herschel Walker-Retired NFL player
-Khloe Kardashian-the Kardashian without the nice ass
-Tionne "T-Box" Watkins-R&B singer
-Natalie Gulbis-Professional golfer
-Tom Green-Actor, comedian
-Claudia Jordan-Actress, model
-Clint black-country music star
-Brande Roderick-Actress and Playboy model
-Brian McKnight mutli platinum R&B singer
-Melissa Rivers-daughter of Joan Rivers
-Scott Hamilton-gold medal olympic figure skater
-Annie Duke-professional poker player, motivational speaker

We understand that reality shows need a conflict. We even understand that the conflict between Joan and Clint Black died quickly as Black was the most harmless guy on the planet and wore the winsome smile of Jesus himself. Thus the new conflict between Joan and Annie Duke was a little more believable than the Rivers/Black conflict but not much.

Annie Duke came off as a very nice lady. The scripted conflict between Rivers had Joan calling her Hitler and calling poker players the scum of the earth. To spice things up, we had Joan’s daughter Melissa as part of the conflict but it only made Melissa look like a bratty and totally unlikeable person.

Still we suffered the difficult to believe conflict but the real damage came when Joan Rivers won the entire thing.

First, Annie Duke raised almost half a million on the last task while Joan raised a little over a hundred grand.

But oh there were other factors involved besides amount of money raised, or so The Donald tells us with a straight face.

Go with me here, folks, in the real world, The Donald would have how much money earned as being the ONLY criteria that mattered as niceness and sincerity and glibness matter not when the bucks are rolling in.

Donald Trump WANTED to have Joan Rivers win this year’s contest is all and he didn’t fool me at all.

Annie Duke consistently presented herself well, she showed fine leadership, she was personable, she regularly won tasks, she was liked by her colleagues except Melissa and Joan and that was a manufactured hatred.

I say to Donald Trump, hey, it’s okay. We don’t believe that Joan Rivers won that thing but she’s waaaaay more famous than Annie Duke and everyone knows that celebrity is what it’s all about with The Donald.

The conundrum is, Trump better not pull the same stunt again. For as Martha Stewart just wasn’t believable in her version of The Apprentice, neither is awarded “championships” based on how famous the contender is.

Donald Trump needs to know that the American public can only suspend their disbelief so much.
=================
Danny Takes the Prize in Hell’s Kitchen 2009

Danny is 23 years old and his final challenger, Paula, is 28.

Right there would be reason enough for me to pick Paula over Danny.

So calm down. I know that age shouldn’t be the only factor in who’s the better cook between two people but I’d argue in the tender years of our maturing 20’s, a five year age difference is equivalent to a fifteen year maturity gap in terms of life’s experiences.






There’s also the little factoid that Paula could cook better than Danny. First, Danny’s quasi-restaurant on the final night had a seafood theme, complete with little resin fish festooned on the walls. Yet Danny’s most famous menu item was a great big old filet with a baked potato.

Now there’s nothing wrong with a big ole piece of meat but it was Paula who featured a halibut dish on her menu, this without the colorful fake fish on the wall.

Danny was also roundy criticized on an earlier challenge for his “signature” dish, this critique by food critics no less.

Finally, Danny did tend to display an arrogance often throughout the competition. While I’m all for plentiful self-confidence, Danny overdid it so far as I am concerned.

Paula was more a shade of grey compared to Danny’s bright red. Through every challenge Paula was steady, quiet, hard-working and rarely a victim of Gordon’s wrath.

But Gordon Ramsey chose Danny and now Danny will be the head Chef at Bogata restaurant in Atlantic City.

23 years old. I shake my head ruefully at the notion.
===========

Bravo TV’s “The Fashion Show”

Heh.

First things first. The link for this new Bravo entry is HERE.

Isaac Mizrahi is the host of this new reality show on BravoTV. Kelly Rowland is Isaac’s co-host. Kelly is a singer from Destiny Child as I understand it. I don’t get her connection to a fashion contest.

So I chanced upon this series one night and I do tend to like fashion and reality shows. A show featuring a contest for fashion designers? I figured …right up my alley.





First, this has got to be the oddest compilation of contenders for a reality show contest in the history of such things.

I understand, speaking softly here, that in such a contest, most, if not all, male contenders would likely be a homosexual brother.

Not that there’s anything wrong with this.

But we’ve got a fellow named Merlin who insists on wearing crazy head gear that makes me giggle. We’ve got another guy named Jonny who wears his hair on his head so that it looks like he’s wearing a huge Chinese dumpling on his scalp. The fellow sent home on the first night of the competition, a Jonny D…well here he is…below.



The premiere show had all of the contenders charged with designing a “must-have” clothing item. All of the contenders were divvied up into three teams. Each team member was then charged with taking the team’s “must-have” clothing object and incorporating it into a specific “look”. The look might include a “night out”, a day at the museum, a work outfit…like that.

Actually this part was quite interesting. Although the alleged “must-haves” the teams chose puzzled me all to hell. They included a pencil skirt, a bolero jacket and harem pants. My own wardrobe does not currently include any of these items, not that I wouldn’t look stupid in any one of them.

Every week an outfit as designed will be chosen and offered online at BravoTV’s web site for this series.

The bolero jacket was kind of cute and the looks designed for the item were mostly quite good. The harem pants, surprisingly, also worked well when included in some happening looks.

The pencil skirt, sheesh, that design team had to be nuts in the way they designed this clothing item. For a pencil skirt could be considered a “must-have” fashion item for a young, happening and hip career woman.

However the team designed that pencil skirt so that it was double-sided, a good idea, but it was also skin-tight, a really, really bad idea. The skinny model had to be cut out of it the thing was so tight.

I watched this show the second week and realized that the show was kind of patterned after BravoTV’s “Top Chef”.

The second week there was a mini-challenge for the would-be designers, along with the elimination challenge.

All I know is I find myself giggling while watching this show. At times I marvel at the clothes designed. There is a talent to designing clothes and if the designers themselves could stop being full of themselves, could keep THEMSELVES out of the arena, this could be an interesting contest to observe.
================
To the Main Blog...Over a Million Page Views

EMAIL ME

==============
The INDOOR plants are now in their glory in the gardens of Serendipity Shore.

The brown thrashers have another nest in the hedge roses. But what's with these "doors" the bird fellows keep creating in the shrubbery? And does the robin really know when the dog is leashed?

HERE
============
It's down to two on American Idol 2009. One is the beloved of the teenyboppers and one has talent and more talent.

Can the force of the 12-14 year olds really create a talent injustice that will forever cast a pall upon the very soul of American Idol?

All with pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.

HERE
========
There's little doubt who's going to win this year's Dancing With the Stars, 2009, competition.

For Gilles Marini is sexy, handsome and a damn good dancer.

So who will be second, Melissa or Shawn?

Some wry observations on this year's contest including a sarcastic little jibe at Melissa and her cute tiny lie.

All with pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.

HERE
=============
The sorry saga of Miss California should have taught us all about our future and those of us who dare to express our true hearts that would offend the very mean.

If only the Republicans would take the torture bull by the horns that entire joke would soon be past tense and the Dems would fall like dominos against the weight of a wrecking ball.

The Nice Guy of this Past Week, the Bad Guy of the Past Week in this week's Thoughts.

It all ends with a smile.

HERE
=============

It's Joan on Celeb App 09 and Paula on Hell's Kitchen 09-Says I

She doesn't have a glorious head of hair and blue eyes to die for. But she's sober and serious and mature.

So why choose the pretty guy to run the restaurant in Hell's Kitchen 09?

It's all Joan Rivers, all the time. Now she's one of the finalists on Celeb App. 09, but of course.

When I heard some woman had a face transplant, I thought it might be Joan.

Since we've suffered Ms. Rivers 24/7 this past Celeb App. season, do you think maybe she could lose the thing?

Pic of the Day

---

Paul and Danny Left to Win the Hell’s Kitchen Cursing Contest





Once again I must complain about all the needless cursing that goes on and on in the Hell’s Kitchen reality series.

I understand that the cursing is part of the show’s “persona” as it were, but having so many curse words requires a constant bleeping that I find so annoying. If they want to continue the cursing lest we think that Gordon Ramsey has gone soft on us, why can’t they have like a whole minute somewhere in the show where he does nothing but curse? Bleep out this entire minute, get it over with, the viewer will understand that Gordon cusses and admire or despise him as is their wont. With the bleeping then complete, the viewer can settle in and watch the cooking go on.

We’re down to two finalists and they’re both quite good. Danny has a gorgeous head of hair and very pretty blue eyes. Two things, I understand, that do not necessarily make a good cook. But to win a contest on a TV show, I argue that it helps.

Danny’s lament is that during most of the challenges throughout the duration of the contest, he always seemed to come in second, missing the win by a hair.

Paula is the second finalist and in keeping with Danny’s lament, I think Paula’s going to win this thing.



Paula doesn’t have pretty blue eyes and a head full of thick, wavy hair, but she’s a pleasant enough looking young woman. She has a quiet, serious but sturdy nature about her. I think she’s just more mature than Danny is all and if I were Chef Ramsey I’d choose Paula in a minute over Danny.

The final show is scheduled for Thursday 5/14/09. On a note of serendipity, former contenders who had been eliminated will be working with the two finalists on their final challenge, which is operating part of Hell’s Kitchen which has been decorated per each finalist’s taste with a menu created by each finalist.

Some of these former contenders are NOT liked at all. It’s a scripted kind of thing but it should add interest to the finale.

Below, the humorous introduction of those former contenders back into the contest.



It’s All About Joan Rivers on Celebrity Apprentice 2009



Of course Joan Rivers is one of the two finalists in this most scripted of reality shows ever to appear on a TV screen in the land. Annie Duke is the other finalist and goodness knows the scripts over the past few weeks have had Joan making enemies with Annie for absolutely nothing, even comparing her to Hitler once. Heh.

The most recent challenge, on Sunday 5/3/09, had the two remaining teams charged with creating a new jingle for “Chicken of the Sea” tuna fish.

Annie Duke and Brande Roderick on one team, with Clint Black, Joan Rivers and Jesse James on the other. Annie’s team won. Her partner, blond and pretty Brande was fired. Clint Black and Jesse James were fired from the other team. I don’t know why. Well I DO know why.

But the reality is that Joan had very little to do with the Chicken of the Sea task so why she remained when her other team-mates were fired kind of defies common sense.

Except that it’s in the script. Heh.



Joan Rivers is the most well known of all the contenders in this year’s Celebrity Apprentice, I’ll allow. But the viewing audience has had Joan’s fake face (when the news came out that some woman had a face transplant, I thought it might be Joan) shoved front and center for damn near every episode.

She gets a prime spot in every challenge. She’s the big blabbermouth in the board room. It’s All Joan, All Day, All Joan.

Of course in order to add drama and suspense, Joan needed an enemy. For a while it looked like it was going to be Clint Black. Except Clint Black is a harmless fellow who always wears an ethereal smile on his face.

Then the camera honed in on poor Annie Duke. Annie’s fame comes from being a poker player. Joan, naturally, asserts that poker players are the scum of the earth and at some point she declares that the very affable Duke is the female equivalent of Adolf Hitler.

SNORT.

Still and so, I shall watch the final episode on Sunday 5/11/09 with a curiousity.

It sure would be nice if Joan Rivers would LOSE this thing, just so I can believe there’s a little justice in this world of celebrities with not much going for them except their famousness.

Below a short montage of the two Chicken of the Sea jingles by each team.


=================
To the Main Blog...Over a Million Page Views

EMAIL ME

==============
It's pretty much a given that the 2009 American Idol will be a guy.

But a female judge comes out with a new song and dance. What's the real story about her sudden change of story re an addiction? And can this person sing and dance back to the stardom she once knew?

All with pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.

HERE
============
She had a booty and boobs to die for. It wasn't enough.

On Dancing With the Stars 09 the shy one remain and the shaking booty got sent packing.

Bachelor Star Melissa comes back from a fractured rib and it's a real contest now.

With pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.

HERE
========

\It's an all Drew Peterson week in this week's THOUGHTS post.

I'd been following this case of the Illinois cop who can't seem to keep wives from disappearing or meeting sudden deaths in dry bathtubs since November of 2007.

I went back and picked a post from November 07 through April 08 about this guy.

If you need a comprehensive update on this guy's story, now that he's FINALLY been arrested for the murder of ONE of his wives.

Also, beloved granddaughter pic time.

HERE
=============

Hell's Kitchen/Celebrity Apprentice 09 Update

We've been watching "Hell's Kitchen" 09, or what I call the Cooking and Cussing Show.

It's down to three and I think I've got the winner picked.

The Donald's "Celebrity Apprentice" 09 continues on and this should be called the Joan River reality show.

The cooking challenge will never make Hell's Kitchen but the bickering and cussing might.

All with pics and vid you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.

Pic of the Day

---

Joan Rivers About the Only Celebrity on Celebrity Apprentice

We watch Celebrity Apprentice 2009 every Sunday night with a devoted regularity. It’s a reality show and I kind of like them. I sorta kinda like this reality show but this year I am getting so tired of Joan Rivers.

FOR IT’S ALL ABOUT HER!

Now I understand these things are scripted. I know there has to be tension, there has to be a hero, there has to be a good guy. And I know that out of all the contenders this season, Joan is the most well known.

There have been so many shows scripted around Joan this year. Joan was the master of ceremonies for the picture phone challenge. Joan was the project manager for the cupcake challenge. Joan got into a tiff with Clint Black during the dishwashing liquid viral commercial challenge. Joan got disgusted with colleague Natalie Gulbis’ choice of jewelry during the jewelry auction challenge. Finally, this past week, Joan’s all in a tither over Annie Duke, the poker player who Joan says is deceitful, two-faced and poor white trash.

Of course we end up getting all involved with Melissa Rivers, spawn of Joan. Melissa Rivers’ has no discernible talent save being the daughter of Joan Rivers. Her presence on the Celebrity Apprentice 2009 does enhance the scripting in that we have mother/daughter conflicts that add to the drama.

Actually most of these contenders, including Joan, are very nice folk. It’s got to be hard to be a script-writer for this reality show. Truth be told, Melissa Rivers is probably the nastiest of the lot but any tension involving her necessarily must involve her mother.

They tried to make Clint Black a bad guy but come on. This guy walks around with a little Jesus-type of smile on his face. Herschel Walker is such a nice fellow that even The Donald professed his love for the fellow. Dennis Rodman was close to being a villain but truth is he was just a drunk who forgot yesterday’s enemies.

Now Annie Duke, who is being scripted to be an avowed enemy of Joan Rivers, is too a nice lady and who’s going to buy that Rivers’ assertion that being a poker player automatically makes you poor white trash?

-Jesse James-founder of West Coast Choppers
-Dennis Rodman-5 time NBA champion-sent home 3/29/09
-Andrew "Dice" Clay-once dirty mouthed comedian-sent home 3/1/09
-Joan Rivers-talk show host
-Herschel Walker-Retired NFL player-sent home 4/19/09
-Khloe Kardashian-the Kardashian without the nice ass-sent home 4/5/09
-Tionne "T-Box" Watkins-R&B singer-sent home 4/5/09
-Natalie Gulbis-Professional golfer-sent home 4/19/09
-Tom Green-Actor, comedian-sent home 3/15/09
-Claudia Jordan-Actress, model-sent home 3/22/09
-Clint black-country music star
-Brande Roderick-Actress and Playboy model
-Brian McKnight mutli platinum R&B singer-sent home 4/12/09
-Melissa Rivers-daughter of Joan Rivers
-Scott Hamilton-gold medal olympic figure skater-sent home 3/8/09
-Annie Duke-professional poker player, motivational speaker



On the 4/12/09 episode, the challenge was to create an in-store display for Lifelock, that company that protects your identify from theft. Brian McKnight, another very nice fellow, was sent home for failing that task as a project manager. Brian made it very obvious in the boardroom that he was tired, bored and ready to go.

Joan began her slow simmer with Annie during this Lifelock challenge. Seems Annie had allegedly vowed that she would trash Brande for her failures during that competition but Joan felt Annie trashed daughter Melissa.

Nothing of the sort happened but hey, it was in the script.

On 4/19/09 two contenders were sent home. The first challenge, began the week prior right after the Lifelock challenge, was to have the contenders auction of some jewelry from the Ivanka jewelry line. Natalie Gulbis was assigned the task of choosing the jewelry for auction. The prevailing sentiment was that the choices made by Natalie were poor ones, that the jewelry was pretty but too small to be scene from the auction podium. Oh, I forgot. Joan Rivers again came to save the day as Clint Black floundered on his assigned task as auctioneer. They really ought to call this the Joan Rivers Celebrity Apprentice.

Natalie got fired for her failure and soon the next challenge was upon.

In fact I use Schwann’s home delivery from time to time. They are quite expensive and by me their food brings mixed results.

For two people, Schwann’s can be a godsend. I love their pot roast. It comes already “slow-cooked” and it’s very tender and flavorful. It costs nineteen bucks but I cut up portions to make husband hot roast beef sandwiches, which he loves. Husband has bad teeth, a fact that will soon change, and this tender meat is perfect. So out of that nineteen bucks I can get maybe ten nice hot roast beef sandwiches for husband.

Schwann’s has some other good food but given their expense, you almost have to be involved in some sort of apportionment like mine above.

The quality of their food is also mixed. By me, you NEVER want to buy a vegetable that ever had a mother or a father from Schwann’s home delivery. My experience is that their vegetables are awful. Best buy the big bag of frozen things from Walmart then season and cook to your own preference.

At any rate, the challenge was for each team to design a new food item for Schwann’s. I thought both teams came up with perfectly awful recipes, stuff I would never, ever buy. Clint Black came up with a recipe for a chicken breast cooked in a teryaki sauce, a recipe he says is used in his own home.

Well I rarely buy anything with a chicken breast in it as chicken breasts are cheap. It’s simple matter to fry up a chicken breast and cover it with some bottled teryaki sauce, throw on some salt and pepper. The KOTU team added some broccoli to their meal and a frozen yogurt dessert along with that the Schwann’s people said was too complicated for the home consumer.

The Athina team did design a better dish but the noodles had no gluten. Right there I’d never order it.

Well sure there’s folks that can’t tolerate gluten and this dish might be a godsend for them. But the vast majority of people in this country can tolerate gluten and I’m not convinced they’d buy some kind of gluten free dish just on principle. For all we know removing gluten might remove the taste.

The Schwann’s people chose the gluten-free dish as the winner but as I understand it the Schwann’s folks were not terribly impressed by either entry.

Herschel Walker was the Project Manager for KOTU and he got fired.

Below, The Donald fires the two most recent ejected celebrity apprentices.



It’s Down to Three on the Gordon Ramsey Cussing Contest 2009



The winner of the “Hell’s Kitchen” contest their year will be given a head Chef-ship in a new restaurant. The contest is now down to three.

Finalist Andrea will soon be gone and it will be down to Chef Paula and Chef Danny.



This show has the same old, same old, same old, events from week to week. The show begins with perhaps some sort of cooking challenge by Gordon Ramsey. The prize for winning this challenge is unpredictable. Ramsey might take the winner out for an airplane ride or he might award safety from elimination as the prize.

It’s the meat of the episode that is the same.

Hell’s Kitchen opens up. Patrons are seated. The chefs are at their stations in the kitchen of “Hell’s Kitchen”.

The viewer is then treated to about a half an hour of Gordon Ramsey cussing and berating one or another chef contender. Said chef contender did, as is illustrated on the show, do something wrong. On the episode aired on Thursday 4/23/09, Andrea lost track of the Beef Wellingtons and as a result a diner’s meal got delayed and the dinner service did not achieve perfection.

Contender Ben, who was sent home after this episode, forgot to throw in a pile of spaghetti and he made some bland risotto. You’d think he murdered somebody on live TV.



Of course the point of the show is to have drama and conflict in the kitchen. The cussing has been part of the show ever since its inception, some years ago. I hate the cussing, not that I’m a prude so much as the constant blips to keep the curse words off the air are annoying and keep the viewer from watching a logical dialogue flow.

To add to Ramsey’s cussing and abuse, the chefs themselves, who all smoke…do all chef’s smoke? But the chefs themselves tend to cuss a lot. The viewer is left watching a contest filled with annoying bleeps.

I like to watch Hell’s Kitchen on DVR just so I can fast forward past the blips.

Over the years I’ve noticed that Hell’s Kitchen serves up some oddball food. Beef Wellington, for example, is a rare thing to have offered as an entrée on a restaurant menu.

I’ve had Beef Wellington before. It’s a filet mignon type of beef cut. The beef is wrapped with a pie crust and is baked until the middle is a medium rare, or that is the ideal result.

Risotto is another constant offering in Hell’s Kitchen. Risotto is a happening food item of late as we do get Food and Wine magazine at our house. I’ve made risotto a time or two. There are a gazillion ways to make this dish but almost always it involves cooking rice to a creamy state and adding other seasonings to a result that varies.

The risotto in Hell’s Kitchen looks like rice and peas to me. Further, I think it’s served as an appetizer. I can’t imagine risotto as an appetizer.

Hell’s Kitchen also serves scallops which in and of itself is not unusual. But what the hell are those little fried eggs put on top of the scallops?

They are certainly not ordinary hen’s eggs that fit on a scallop that way. I’m not at all sure I’d eat such a thing and I’m game for most anything.

At any rate I think Chef Danny will win this thing. Danny always seemed to be the bridesmaid on so many of the challenges on Hell’s Kitchen 2009. But he was rarely the subject of Ramsey’s horrific wrath and I don’t recall ever seeing him on the block for possible elimination.

Paula’s a good chef as well but my money’s on Danny.
===============
To the Main Blog...Over a Million Page Views

EMAIL ME

==============
=============
It was Disco night on American Idol 09.

Two contenders got sent home. A personal favorite disappointed and the boring one bored again.

And who the hell said Freda Payne was a disco singer?

All with pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.

HERE
===========
The big guy got the boot on "Dancing With the Stars" week ending 4/26/09.

The contest tightens and one who seemed likely to win slips a big. Another who started rough gets better every week.

All with pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.

HERE
===========
"Saving Mom From Uncle Guido" is a fiction story from "Mystery and Mirth, excerpted for yon enjoyment.

For the Micky Mouse head helped her overhear the murder plot and the door disguise helped her stop it in its tracks.

It's short and a smile.

HERE
===========
In Thoughts, we've got Obama shirtless and right there you must tune in.

Plus, heh, the Good Guy of the Week with a sarcastic reasons why Dick Cheney made Obama look like a fool this past week.

Also, Quip of the Week and You Can't Make This Stuff Up…much more.

HERE
============